because you have to start somewhere

I just started this thing. I am not sure what it will become, but I have a pretty good idea of what I’d like it to become. Define “Functioning” is, for now, the work of one super-duper-high-functioning super-duper-mentally ill person.

Here’s the first problem with that: The very few people who know about the disorder stuff, occasionally including the mental health professionals with whom I work closely and regularly, are usually super-duper happy with the “high-functioning” label. I’m starting this blog to anonymously say that “High Functioning” is better than “Low” or “Not Functioning,” but it’s really frickin’ hard. It’s hard in a day-to-day kinda way to keep this charade up, to keep up the appearance that I’m really this capable and productive, to continue to make everyone believe that I’m, in fact, not mentally ill. And, yes, those close to me coupled with those mental health professionals, do help. But, sometimes, that help doesn’t help as much as I think other people in this boat might help.

Here’s the second problem with that: The traditionally prescribed route for talking to other people in this boat is that of Group Therapy. Depending on where you live, this option might be crap. The truth is that it’s almost impossible to find a group for the so-called super-duper-high-functioning. Groups are organized typically by disorder, sometimes further subdivided by gender and other variables by which one might classify the experiences of the CrazyPants among us. I am YET to find a group for the “Closeted CrazyPants.”

And that’s basically what I’m proposing here. Welcome to Define “Functioning,” a place for the Closeted CrazyPants, i.e. those for whom really basic human stuff is next to impossible, but maybe multiple books published or high-ranking executive status or your name on a gallery wall or, even, totally succeeding at making everyone believe you’re a completely competent soccer mom are all OK right now. On the outside, we’re totally high-functioning. On the inside, at home, or walking down the street, we could at times be coming apart at the seams.

This is a blog, so I guess I’ll have to write some stuff.  But I’d like to not be the only voice. Wanna be a contributer? Email me at definefunctioning [at] gmail [dot] com. Wanna comment? Please do so.

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